I also recognize that I am in the minority of folks who find spreadsheets sexy and I don’t expect you to fill out you Yes/No/Maybe Lists in your finest lingerie. It can be revisited often, as people’s preferences can fluctuate, and it’s a fun way to get new ideas and reflect on your own desires. Your Yes/No/Maybe List is a tool to use in an ongoing conversation about all the sexy things you want to do together. Your Yes/No/Maybe List is not a contract, it’s not consent, and it’s not set in stone. The goal here is to focus on the things you can do together and not dwell on the nos, You should NEVER try to talk someone out of their no or expect them to explain it to you, though they may choose to. Then the partners reconvene and discuss where their yesses overlap. and sorts each one into one of three columns: Yes, No, or Maybe. It’s simple, each person involved in the negotiation takes a list of activities/terms/food items etc. It is not as extensive as Bex Caputo’s or Scarleteen’s list, but it does offer a look at what a colourful and engaging Y/N/M list could look like.A Yes/No/Maybe list is a common tool in kink circles for negotiating scenes, but really, you could use it to negotiate… pretty much anything. I found this list to be very engaging because of its design. The cool feature of Autostraddle’s Y/N/M list is that it is actually a set of worksheets that are quite visually appealing. The lists consider positions in giving and receiving and ask how frequently one wants to feel a particular emotion: often, sometimes, or never. Caputo explores a few options: Yes – Into, Yes – Willing, Maybe, No. It asks what kind of activities one wants to explore what one want to be called in bed what kind of emotions one want to feel while engaging in sex and kink. It’s quite exhaustive because it covers sex, kink, language, and feelings. There is one for those who are “vanilla” and want to explore their sexuality.īex Caputo’s Superpowered Yes/No/Maybe List.īex Caputo’s Y/N/M list is a bit different from the other ones on this list. Sexuality educator and pleasure advocate Sunny Megatron shares two Y/N/M lists in the link above. Often, these little details are overlooked when people engage in intimacy, so it’s great that Scarleteen’s checklist dives into some of these finer details. Scarleteen’s sexual inventory checklist is very thorough and covers a lot of ground as it discusses body boundaries such as boundaries about direct eye contact. Scarleteen’s Yes/No/Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Checklist. They are great places to start conversations and, when you get more experience with them, you can create your own! Here are some Yes/No/Maybe checklists you can take a look at. Respect, consent and ongoing communication with each other are key points here.
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